Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in azure_rosa's InsaneJournal:

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Wednesday, November 4th, 2009
10:13 pm	links when you put up chapter 2, you copy the link that it's at and you go back to chapter 1 and edit it at the end of chapter one, you put in the following code: Chapter 2 and it will insert the words "Chapter 2" at the end of your story, which will be clickable to the next part (Comment on this)
Saturday, October 10th, 2009
11:25 pm	Standing Outside The Fire pt 18 I could see Remus pacing along a section of the shoreline long before I was near enough to hear what he was muttering to himself. He still was shirtless and seemed completely unaware of this fact. It was a good thing it was the tail end of the school year and the weather was warm and fair. Luckily none of the students seemed to have noticed their DADA professor was pacing half naked while talking to himself. He was so engrossed in his self flagellation he did not hear my approach. “…like a damned idiot, Severus probably hates me now! And why shouldn’t he? I’ve gone and proven I can’t keep my word to him several times!” He sounded rather distraught and his words seemed like they were merely old thoughts given voice. I found my desire to verbally castrate him had waned slightly, but I was not ready to let him completely off the hook just yet. After all he had just run out on me with no explanation. I walked right up behind him before speaking practically in his ear. “You must be a cold ‘damned idiot’, but then again only idiots run off like that after a meaningless tumble and leave their shirt behind.” My tone was deliberately cruel and cutting; he had earned it as far as I was concerned. I was going to have this out now and if he tried to pull a runner on me again I was fully prepared to hex first and ask questions later. Remus startled so hard at the sound of my voice so close to him I thought he was going to fall over onto the pebbled lake shore. I managed to hide my dark amusement just before he whipped around to stare at me. “Merlin Severus are you trying to kill me?!” Remus’ eyes were flashing at me, his hair was very thoroughly disheveled, and his broad, toned chest and arms unshielded from my gaze for once. He was gorgeous. Damn it I’m supposed to be madder than a snake that had been trod upon not ogling the source of my vexation! I glared at him. “I don’t know could I possibly have any reason to want to kill you?” I handed him his shirt. “Put that on, you are scaring the first years.” Damn werewolf is far too attractive when he blushes. It’s hard to stay mad at him when I’m constantly drawn to him. He shrugged on his shirt and quickly set about hiding his scarred chest from my hungry eyes. “Are you actually going to tell me what you wanted to say earlier or should I just cut my losses and walk away?” Now that he was properly dressed I found it much easier to be mad at his actions as of late. “Well mostly I came to apologize for making you angry and make sure you actually understood what I’ve been telling you for the last several days.” He was watching my face intently. “Instead you managed to make me even more likely to hex you, good job! It was made quite clear that you were on the prowl, what does that have to do with your behavior today?” Remus’ shoulders visibly slumped at the end of my question. “Here I thought I was going to be accused of being a blunt, heavy-handed Gryffindor and you completely misunderstood everything. I knew I should have clarified specifically who I was interested in after telling you about Harry, but I thought you had figured it out.” Hope flared in my chest like wildfire. Remus had better be implying what I think he is I doubt I can stand the heartbreak if I’m wrong. “You will stop toying with me and tell me exactly what you think you are up to now or I swear to leave and never return.” “I’ve been courting you according to your own guidelines for several days Severus if you haven’t noticed yet can you please tell me how I’m making a hash of it?” He sounded a bit put out that I had not properly understood his motives. I stood their gaping for a few seconds before I could answer. “MY guidelines, what guidelines?” Remus had officially lost it, must be moon madness. “You told me to take it slow, to let you adjust to my touch in a non threatening manner and to help with your work.” Remus’ tone was like that of a child listing something they forced themselves to memorize by heart. “Admittedly I’ve failed rather spectacularly at the slow bit, but I was trying.” He sounded frustrated with himself over his perceived failure to abide by my stated rules. “I thought you were talking about Potter!” “Yes, he said as much to me the other day while you were eavesdropping.” My shock must have shown on my face. Remus was smirking at me apparently proud of shocking me with his revelation. “Sometimes being a werewolf as its advantages. I not only heard your breathing in the hall, I could also smell you. Though you are much harder to detect by sound than most. Since I heard you leave with such speed I felt safe assuming Harry was telling the truth about your reaction and your request of him.” “That is why you went out of your way to inform me about the gossip surrounding Potter’s relationship; you were trying to make me realize he was not competition for you! If I knew you were pursuing me I would have demanded your attention be immediately focused on my person as soon as you made your rather strange declaration!” “Really?” I could have sworn werewolves didn’t purr, but Remus certainly was. He was approaching me slowly with his eyes locked on mine like he had in my dream. I felt my heart rate increase and my cock begin to harden from the implied promise of exquisite pleasure in his voice. “I would have been more than pleased to accommodate your desire Severus.” I felt a shiver run down my spine as the tone of the conversation switched from spat to seduction. He should not be allowed to manipulate me in such a fashion; I’m supposed to be the master of manipulation not this galling Gryffindor. There should be a rule about him looking at me like he wants to devour me whole when we aren’t on or near a convenient surface for such stimulating activities. Remus leaned in to kiss me again. These kisses were quite different from the urgent almost punishing ones we shared earlier. He still had my head in the palm of his hand with a good grip on my hair, but he was teasing me with almost kisses, soft as a butterfly’s wing brushing the corner of my mouth and the surrounding area but not actually touching my lips. I felt my breath hitch at the sensation. Despite his hold on my hair I tried to lean into his teasing kisses. Remus took that as an invitation to kiss me properly. He was still being tender with his kisses but they got more sensual as he continued. He took to nibbling my lips only to pull them into his mouth and suck on them. He managed to force several sounds out if me that I refuse to call whimpers. My brain finally engaged enough to realize I had idle hands that I promptly set to stroking and groping his back and arse in retaliation. I earned a pleased growl and my arse suddenly had an admirer of its own. I didn’t start to really lose it until he sucked my tongue clear out of my mouth. I was groaning unashamedly at the sensation; my cock was positively throbbing at the thought of that mouth elsewhere. I wanted so much to have him claim me right here and now. I snapped back to myself upon hearing the happy yells of an unofficial quidditch game in the distance. I pulled back from the kiss as much as his grip would allow. I took several tries before he realized I was trying to get away. “Remus,” Merlin I sound breathy, “We can’t do this here.” He looked ready to argue the point until he realized where we currently were. Note to self, find ways to make Remus blush often. “In that case your place or mine?” Merlin save me from purring, playful werewolves. “Where is Theodore?” As fond as I was of the boy if he interrupted us again I was unsure I could keep myself from reacting badly. “With Harry, Draco and Hermione unless they handed him off to his Grandmother so they could frolic.” Remus either is unaware of what that promising tone in his whiskey voice does to me or he is a dreadful tease. “Your rooms are slightly closer.” I began to walk back to the castle, pausing to glance over my shoulder at Remus only when I realized he was not following me for some reason. “Are you perhaps waiting for an engraved invitation?” Remus isn’t the only one who can infuse promises into a seemingly harmless question. Remus snapped out of his daze at my words. “Sorry I was distracted by the view. You should go without your robes more often.” He was positively leering at me. The idea that Remus was distracted by watching my arse as I walked away gave me an odd feeling of power. “Well if you follow properly you’ll get the opportunity to see me in even less clothes.” That particular promise worked like the proverbial charm, in fact Remus suddenly decided I was going too slowly so he grabbed my hand and practically dragged me to his rooms not that I was resisting his efforts. (Comment on this)
11:24 pm	Standing Outside The Fire pt 17 I briefly wished I had my old robes on as I stormed through the halls of Hogwarts again. They added a certain avenging dark angel mystic I was quite fond of especially when I was in a mood. As soon as I reached Remus’ rooms it became apparent he wasn’t there. Neither was he in his classroom when I checked. I was on my way to the staff lounge when I came across Minerva. “Hello Severus, you seem to be in a hurry.” “Hello Minerva, I can find neither hide nor hair of Remus and I need to talk to him.” My tone started off polite and ended darkly. “The last time I saw Remus was at lunch. After he spoke briefly with Draco he announced he needed to see you immediately and took off.” “I saw him earlier but he ran off in the middle of a rather important,” I paused briefly, “conversation.” Minerva’s eyes seemed to twinkle with amusement. “He’s finally told you then? Good I thought I was going to have to revoke his house membership! If he isn’t in his rooms you might try the far side of the lake. He goes there to think sometimes.” I thanked her before rushing off towards the lake to find Remus. Minerva’s teasing comments gave me pause. Maybe Remus running off wasn’t due to distaste for what happened. I might still have a chance; maybe he’s upset over my reaction somehow? My mind flickered back to our escapades on my couch. I can’t see how, but who knows how a Gryffindor’s mind works? (Comment on this)
11:21 pm	Standing Outside The Fire pt 16 I decided to accept one of my stranger special orders as it was complex enough to keep my thoughts off of Remus if only for a few hours. It was called “Lover’s Truth”. It was an inhibition reducing potion for a married couple who apparently had more money than sense. I closed the shop as the fumes alone had nearly as strong an effect as the potion itself and I didn’t really want to blast an idiotic customer if they interrupted me. It would be bad for business after all. The stronger potions of this sort were less than legal, but this particular variety would only allow people to act on their existing desires not make new ones. They could not be forced into anything against their will. So of course I was surprised when Remus came in despite the clearly visible sign on the door and the wards in place. He came straight into my work area without announcing himself. It would have served him right if I was working on something involving aconite. “Severus we need to talk.” I froze mid chop. Remus had spoken in a firm, emotionless tone. That can’t be good. Did he know? I resumed my work with vigor. “Now is not a good time,” I snapped. The last thing I needed was Remus in the room while I was brewing an inhibition reducing potion! “When can I get you to sit down and actually listen to me for say half an hour?” He was standing directly behind me and he sounded desperate. “I’ll be done here by closing time.” Please leave, anything you do might set me off. “That’s not good enough!” Oh Merlin, he was snarling at me in his dom voice while I was exposed to an inhibition reducing potion. I felt a shiver run down my spine. I didn’t have a prayer. “If you can dice the ginseng and crush the Spanish Fly into a fine powder then I may have twenty-five minutes to indulge you.” There may have been a slight quaver in my voice at the end of that sentence. We worked in tandem for nearly twenty minutes. I was surprised at how well we shared my workbench. Once we added the last of the ingredients it needed to simmer undisturbed. I set a timer and turned to Remus. “Alright you have my full attention. What do you want?” I was resigned to this conversation at this point. The only thing in my favor was Remus was unaware of the inhibition reduction potion fumes floating around in the air. He would find lying difficult because he wouldn’t see the need but I could fight it some since I knew. I would know exactly what was going on for once. “Please sit down Severus.” He gestured to my couch where I would usually nap or read while waiting on potions. The oversized navy couch acted as a divider between my work area and my research supplies so it was not against a wall. I did so and Remus walked over so he could make eye contact but did not sit. “Over the last several days I seem to be incapable of pleasing you. Half the time you storm off at the earliest opportunity with no explanation. I seem to be greatly offending you regularly.” He began to walk around to the back of the couch, my eyes followed him. “I would just apologize, but I know how you feel about apologies so I would like to offer my assistance instead.” As he stopped talking he was directly behind me. I was about to move so I could see him again. I never liked having someone out of my line of sight. Unexpectedly a pair of warm calloused hands landed on my shoulders and began to rub them. “What do you think…oh…you are doing?” I was defensive briefly, but it felt so good to be touched by Remus even if it was in a purely platonic fashion. I hadn’t consciously realized how tense I was until he began to rub my shoulders. My back felt like it was carved out of stone. The massage did hurt some, but it was such a good hurt. “You’ve been so wound up lately.” His hands traveled to the back of my neck and continued to work. My head fell forward to grant him better access. I may have groaned softly. “Are you even sleeping properly Severus?” “Not for a while. I’ve been plagued with dreams recently.” Damn it I did not mean to say that! “What kind of dreams?” Why did he have to ask that? Oh, he was so good at this. He must have had some kind of training. His hands slowly wandered back down to my shoulders. I could feel my tension dissipate. “Nightmares mostly.” There now he’ll leave that topic alone. I’d told Remus in the past about some of my rather horrific recurring nightmares when he’d pushed. That topic stopped coming up in conversation immediately afterward. “I’m sorry.” He sounded almost disappointed with my answer. I decided sitting upright required far too much energy so I moved to lay on my stomach so Remus could continue his chosen form of repentance. After all if he is making amends I might as well enjoy it properly. Remus walked around the couch to sit on the edge as he continued his massage. “Do you mind if I take your shirt off? It will make this feel much better.” My answer was more of a pleased sounding hum than anything, but Remus took it as assent. He encouraged me to sit up briefly so he could unbutton my shirt. I was in a contented haze. It took me a few seconds to realize that Remus was trying to take my shirt off. He was on the third button when I gently but firmly stopped his hands. “This is not a good idea Remus.” My voice sounded even more rough than usual. I was too comfortable to truly panic, but I was still clutching my shirt closed. “Whatever is the matter?” “I do not like being exposed.” I was starting to work myself up to a snarl, but it was harder than usual. I didn’t actually want to antagonize Remus. “May I inquire what you are worried about?” “I’m scarred.” Blunt and clear that I didn’t want to continue the conversation. I refused to look at Remus. “Severus I know about your neck and where the Dark Mark was.” He sounded vaguely exasperated with me as if he thought I was being difficult on purpose. “Not those. My back.” As always when speaking of something that made me distinctly uncomfortable my voice went completely flat. “What happened to your back?” Remus sounded confused, concerned and protective at once. He kept trying to catch my eyes and I kept resisting. I wanted to be protected by him and I hated myself for that perceived weakness. “My Father happened.” Damn this potion. I wish I’d never brewed it. “But I’ve seen your back since your Father’s death. During the war your shirt and robes were torn practically to sheds.” It wasn’t a disbelieving tone, he sounded confused. “Yes, but you only saw my upper back. Father was smart enough to choose a less visible area for my beatings. After all it wouldn’t do for someone to notice he was trying to beat the Devil out of his son.” I sounded bitter even to myself. “Where?” Remus was growling again. By Merlin if only he knew what that did to me! I felt my body respond to his growl against my wishes. I found myself answering before I could sensor myself. “Directly above my arse, he said there was less padding there so I would feel it more.” “Show me.” Remus’ voice still had a slight growling undertone but it had softened. It still was clearly a demand. I automatically obeyed before I thought it through. I turned to face the back of the couch and removed my shirt to expose the top of the scar. Father was partial to his two inch wide, thick leather belt when punishing me. While being whipped half a dozen times with a belt on the rear occasionally will do little if any lasting harm, being whipped for an hour at a time several times a week for “being a freak like your mother” will. Father quickly became quite proficient at his self assigned duty to save my soul. I learned quickly that if I actually did anything to provoke him he would use the buckle end instead. My scar was a solid strip approximately five inches in width and crossed my back from hip to hip. It was raised, though not nearly as much as when I was a child. Mother and I learned fast that treating it with anything to remove the scarring only incited Father to make it worse next time. Only after I had moved out was I able to treat it properly though by then it was too late to completely remove it. The scar ran from the top of my arse to the top of my pelvic bones. The idea was I could easily hide the scar from healers, roommates or anyone else by wearing a pair of traditional trousers with a belt. After exposing my scar to Remus the room became eerily quiet. I refused to break the silence until I knew for sure how he took this. I couldn’t bring myself to look at him sure I would see pity on his face. “Your Father is damn lucky he’s already dead!” Remus was growling full tilt. My head snapped around to look at him over my shoulder. I felt my heart constrict at the expression he was wearing. It was a mixture of protectiveness, love and anger. I had only seen that look on his face once before when someone threatened Theodore in his hearing. It was proof that he cared for me. Even if it was a platonic love it was still love. I couldn’t afford to be picky; after all I hadn’t lost Remus yet. While Remus’ chest still rumbled with anger towards my late Father his hand reached out to lightly stroke the scar tissue with a single finger. “You shouldn’t be ashamed of this you know.” His voice was strong but somehow soothing. “I have plenty of scars myself.” With that Remus began to unbutton his own shirt to show me some of his scars. I turned around to sit on the couch properly and thus watch more easily. I wanted to store these images in my mind for later enjoyment. He let his shirt fall to the ground at his feet. Remus’ broad lightly tanned chest had numerous long, thin, pale scars that looked like another werewolf had raked him with their claws here and there during a battle. As he had been sent to spy on the werewolves before the war ended I was not surprised he had been required to fight for his status in the pack. I found myself looking for his bite mark, but I could not see it. I did learn his left pectoral had three such scars running parallel each other at an angle with the middle one just missing the nub of his light brown nipple. I found myself wishing to trace those lines with my tongue. Realizing I’d been staring at Remus’ left nipple and the surrounding scars for an unknown length of time I asked a question to hide my fascination with the view. “Where is the bite? I thought they were typically on the neck of young victims.” “The neck, chest, head or thighs are the most common when attacking children. I sometimes wish Fenrir chose to bite my head so I wouldn’t have been a werewolf.” Remus suddenly broke out in a sly, playful smile. “Guess where mine is.” A challenge! Since he was determined to toy with me I felt it was my solemn duty as a Slytherin to not only meet his challenge, but to go above and beyond only to toss the ball back into his court. I swore I could feel the potion snaking through my veins as a mischievous smile stole over my face. I began to casually explore Remus’ body with my hands as I spoke my theories aloud. “Evidently not the head since that would have killed you before changing you.” I circled behind him to lift his shoulder length wavy hair off of his neck to look for it. “It clearly is not on your neck.” I kept my voice low and made sure it caressed the back of his sensitive neck as I spoke. I saw the hairs on his neck stand on end and a slight shiver course down his spine in response to the tickle of my breath. I smoothed his hair gently back into place almost like I was petting him. I circled back to his front. “Obviously it is not on your chest.” I ran my right hand lightly along his left collar bone from his shoulder to his sternum as I crossed to his front. “Therefore,” I remarked with a triumphant smirk, “it must be on your thigh.” My index finger slowly trailed down the center of Remus’ chest. I only broke the contact when I reached his bellybutton. I was standing much closer to Remus than I would normally. I can hear his slightly increased breathing. He seemed rather shocked by my playful attitude for several moments, just standing there gaping at me. Between one heartbeat and the next Remus finally pounced on me. I fell gracelessly backwards onto my couch with Remus’ arms around my neck like a devil’s snare. I was half convinced the couch would tip over due to our momentum. He dove in and immediately began to kiss me forcefully. One of his hands was using my hair to pull me even further into his kiss. I was vaguely dazed by my sudden and forceful relocation to my couch, but as I had a randy, softly growling werewolf straddling my lap while attempting to remove my tonsils with his tongue I found myself unwilling to complain much about the situation. Soon Remus managed to gain enough control over himself to torment me properly. He began to nibble none too gently on my lower lip while sucking on it. I groaned at the sensation and bucked my hips trying to grind against him. He shifted to bring our cocks together and began undulating his hips slowly but forcefully against my own. This was finally happening, I was awake this time and Remus had quite clearly made a play for me. Remus wanted me, the very thought made my heart feel too big for my chest. Remus released my tortured lip to trail nibbles and kisses down to my neck while making a pleased growling noise in his chest. I turned my head away from him so as to increase his access to my neck. His mouth was open slightly as he sniffed at my throat. The rumble in his chest increased in volume. “Mine,” he snarled and stopped playing with my neck briefly to look at me. Pure, unadulterated love and lust shone from both his honeyed eyes and his face. If I could bottle that look I’d be one of the richest wizards of all time in less than a week. “Oh yes,” I groaned, “I need you!” I threw back my head as Remus began to explore my neck. Nips and sucking kisses trailed up and down my tender throat made me hum with pleasure. I grabbed Remus’ arse with both hands and began to guide his hips against mine to a more mutually satisfying rhythm. My boldness wrenched another delicious sounding growl from Remus. He decided to bite at my throat more forcefully in retaliation which caused an answering moan from me. I could feel my orgasm steadily building, I wouldn’t last much longer. We were frotting on my couch like teenagers and I didn’t care. I felt like I could do anything and succeed with flying colors. I took to groping Remus’ arse which drew a surprised groan from him. I encouraged his hips to speed up with my two handed grip on his glorious arse. We were both breathing as if we were in the final stretch of a foot race. The sounds we were both making made me quite glad the store was closed and warded. If anyone dared to interrupt us now I would not be held accountable for my actions. As soon as I had that thought I heard my timer go off. I’ve never hated that sound more. The instant we heard the timer Remus became unnaturally still and stiff in my arms. Before I could formulate an inquiry into the source of his distress he had torn himself away from me to stand before the couch. His expression was one that I shall never forget, he looked like his world was being destroyed and he blamed himself. “Oh Merlin, I’m so sorry Severus!” With that he rushed from the room as if pursued by a horde of demons. I sat there shocked for a few moments, how I could have possibly misread the situation? I stood and turned off the fire under my potion and placed it under a stasis spell. I have never encountered a situation where someone full on jumps another person like Remus did without wanting to. The more I thought about it the more certain I was I had understood his actions perfectly well and he had better have a damn good explanation for taking off like that. You can’t just kiss someone like that while looking at them as if they own your very soul and then run off! I stopped only long enough to put my shirt back on and grab Remus’. I felt my temper rising as I stormed off to Hogwarts, I had a werewolf to catch. (Comment on this)
11:20 pm	Standing Outside The Fire pt 15 I returned only to brood before my fire place again for several hours. I was becoming less sure I would be able to salvage my friendship with Remus every day. I was seeing innuendo and mutual interest where there was none. How could I cope with that when all my thoughts when I was in his presence centered around getting him to claim me as his? I was at a loss. I could have sworn when we danced Remus was flirting with me, but I was also convinced he was propositioning me later when all he was after was my piece of cake. What if I was completely wrong and he had no interest in me other than as a friend? Was it really worth possibly losing him to find out for sure? No, either he would tell me plainly he wanted me or I would stay just a friend. If I could keep my libido under control. I found it impossible to blame myself for my reaction to the sounds Remus was making while fellating his fork. After all if one does that and makes sounds like that outside of a bedroom one must expect people to notice and respond. Maybe I should remove my memories of the epiphany I had of him as anything other than a friend. While I would still remember everything the feelings would be less sharp. I would be happier in the long run and I wouldn’t ruin my closest friendship over unrequited love and lust. The story of my life is simple. I begin to truly open up to someone, realize I’m in love with them and then it all goes to hell in a hand basket. Whosoever said, “It is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all” was an idiot of the first degree. They deserve to live like that for the majority of their lives and be tortured with visions of the one they love returning their feelings only to awaken to the real world every night. Maybe then they wouldn’t be so glib in regards to one of the strongest human emotions. With that cheery thought I trudged off to bed. I was plagued by multiple vague nightmares of Remus turning away from me in disgust. When I woke for the twentieth time it was approaching three in the morning and I gave up on sleep. I had developed an immunity to most sleep aids during the wars so there was no point in trying to dose myself. I had a smallish lab in my house so I set to brewing one of the special orders to kill time until I could open my store. It was a Saturday so it would be a slow day at work no matter my wishes to keep busy. By the time the sun had risen I had completely restocked the store in our most common potions in addition to completing several special orders. I had a quick breakfast despite a lack of appetite. After gathering my bottled potions and shrinking them I apparated to my store to open for the day and started stocking the shelves since Draco had not yet arrived. I was about half way through stocking the store’s potions on the shelves when Draco deigned to grace the store with his presence. “Good morning Uncle Severus. You are here early.” He paused as he took stock of the newly filled shelves. “When did you brew all of this? I thought you went to visit Professor Lupin last night.” “I did, but I couldn’t sleep.” I replied without turning. “Ah, anything need delivering? I might as well have something to do today.” “Yes, I have a box for Poppy as well. You can deliver it right before lunch so you may eat with your paramours.” I reached into my pocket for the shrunken box and turned to hand it over to Draco. He was still in the throes of a rather strong blush, but upon seeing my face he abruptly paled to his normal tone and looked quite concerned. “If I thought for a second you would listen to me I would send you home to sleep. You look like you did in the middle of the war!” I would have been at least slightly annoyed by his observation, but I couldn’t find the energy. I guess getting little to no sleep several nights in a row will do that to a person. Draco fussed a bit more over me receiving only glares and short severe answers until he finally gave up. I gave Draco the rest of the day off as we hadn’t had a single customer since we opened and I was planning to brew a rather interesting potion. He left to make his deliveries around lunch time and I was alone in the back of my shop. (Comment on this)
11:19 pm	Standing Outside The Fire pt 14 After our dance we went to have dessert. As soon as Remus finished cutting the first slice Theodore was hovering right next to him waiting impatiently for a piece. After he received his he took off again to eat and play just a little more before bed. We retreated back to our chairs. I must admit I know how much Remus loves chocolate, but that love had only ever been expressed in very pleased expressions and words in the past. So I was very surprised when the first bite he took drew a low groan of delight from him. Why was that sound straight out of my dream? Why was my subconscious right about how good that sound was? I wanted to wallow in that sound. I wanted to walk over to Remus, straddle his knees and immediately dive into a deep and forceful kiss so that I might touch the source of that sound. I crossed my legs to hide the reaction I could already feel forming from both that groan and my own thoughts. How was I going to survive Remus sitting less than four steps away moaning over my cake when he seemed intent on savoring every morsel? If I could make him make that sound in a more appropriate setting I would become putty in his hands instantly. I was torn equally between taking the cake away from him to preserve my tattered self control and giving him the remainder of the cake just so I could hear more of that glorious sound. I uncrossed my legs and placed my plate in my lap instead to hide my reaction to Remus. As I failed to decide on a course of action before he started to take his next bite I gripped the arms of my chair and watched his face as he groaned again. Remus’ lips wrapped firmly around his fork as if he feared the chocolate would somehow escape if given the slightest opening. He sucked on his fork as he removed it from his mouth in a vain attempt to suck all of the cake from it. He then began to lick the fork obscenely to capture the remaining crumbs. I had never in my life been jealous of an eating utensil until I saw Remus licking, sucking, moaning and groaning around his fork. Maybe if I dropped my cake in my lap I wouldn’t have to seduce Remus. I can just see Remus prowling over to me chiding me for wasting perfectly good cake. “Really Severus if I thought you couldn’t eat without making a mess I would have suggested eating at the table. Here let me help you.” He would kneel between my spread thighs putting a hand on each knee and start picking up chunks of cake from my groin, eating them with his hands as he went. After getting the chunks he would pause to lick and suck on his fingers to clean them. He would moan around his chocolate covered fingers. Then Remus would start rubbing at my trousers trying to get the chocolate off but would only manage to make me harden even more. Once he realized he was failing to remove the chocolate he would lower his head into my lap and slowly lick at the front of my trousers. My head fell back against my chair as I imagined both the heat and moisture of Remus’ tongue so close to my cock through my lightweight trousers. I must have moaned aloud in response to my illicit thoughts when I threw my head back. Remus’ eyes suddenly locked on me and somehow snapped me out of my day dream. I felt flushed from my arousal. He was staring at me like he thought I would be an even tastier treat than my cake. That look was not helping my predicament. He put his empty plate down on a side table and arose from his chair with much more grace than I expected from him. His eyes seemed to flash gold in the fire light. Remus seemed to almost glide over to me, never removing his eyes from mine as he approached. I felt like I was being hunted; I could hardly bear the wait until he would finally pounce. He stopped directly in front of my chair and leaned into my personal space. I could feel his breath just barely brushing across my face. He was close enough to kiss if I would just lean forward. He placed his hands firmly on the arms of my chair as if to keep them under his control. “Severus,” Remus breathed, “do you want some help with that?” His eyes flickered briefly to my lap only to latch once again on to mine. He was wearing that same unidentifiable look which had plagued me for days. Before I could respond with eager enthusiasm to the suggestion the door to the room suddenly and loudly opened revealing Theodore who came barreling into the room. Remus immediately backed away from me. I swore I could feel the heat from his body fading away. I wanted to cry out at the injustice of Theodore’s timing. Why did the Fates hate me so? Theodore made straight for me bubbling with enthusiasm and questions as always. “Hi Sev’rus I loved the cake you brought, did you make it?” It occurred to me it was a very good thing I was fond of this particular child. Likely that fondness was the only reason I didn’t yell at him for his untimely interruption. After finally managing to beat back the haze that had gripped my mind due to lust I managed to respond. “Hello again Theodore. I’m glad you liked it.” I glanced briefly at Remus who was once again sitting nonchalantly in his chair like nothing had happened between us. “Your father certainly seemed to enjoy my cake.” My last sentence sounded sharp even to myself but I was not pleased by either the interruption nor how Remus was responding to it. “I liked it a lot! Can I go up now?” Theodore responded pointing at my lap. Luckily the surge of adrenalin my body produced when Theodore slammed the door open completely rerouted my blood supply back to its normal track. I started to lift Theodore only to realize I still had my plate of cake in my lap. After removing the cake and replacing it with the boy my thoughts began to race. Due to the plate’s previous location there was no way Remus could see the evidence of my arousal. He must have been referring to the cake when he asked me if I ‘wanted help with that’. I suddenly felt a rush of gratitude for Theodore interrupting us before I was made a fool by launching myself at a man who was only after my cake and not my body. He still doesn’t think of me that way. I felt more than slightly discouraged; I thought I had made much more progress tonight than I actually had. After chatting with Theodore and completely ignoring his Father for several minutes the boy began to noticeably droop. I encouraged this by easing his head down to my shoulder as I continued to speak to him. About ten minutes later Theodore was asleep. During my bout of ignoring Remus I was highly aware he spent his time watching me intently. I finally glanced up at him once I was sure his son was asleep for the night. “Am I putting your son down for the night or do you plan on helping me?” I still sounded sharper than I usually did with Remus. I knew it was irrational to be mad at him for not flirting with me when I thought he was, but that didn’t stop me. That seemed to break Remus out of his contemplation. He came over and picked Theodore out of my lap. As he carried his son to his room I banished our plates to the kitchen. I didn’t know how to act now. I thought Remus was at least starting to return my interest and then everything fell apart. Did he realize my feelings for him? He must have otherwise why did he distance himself so clearly? He hasn’t even spoken for over half an hour; he just sat there staring at me like I was in a circus sideshow. I suddenly couldn’t stand the thought of still being in his rooms when he returned. I grabbed some floo powder from the decorative caldron I had given him several years ago as a gag gift and threw the powder into the fire place. As soon as I finished saying “Spinner’s End” I was gone. (Comment on this)
11:18 pm	Standing Outside The Fire pt 13 Remus had been clearly engaged in our talk, but he could not seem to hold still for even a minute at a time. I finally brought it up as he clearly wasn’t going to start the conversation. “Do you want to go for a walk or something Remus? I know you get restless when the moon is waxing.” “I am feeling a little frisky. But I don’t really feel like talking a walk.” Remus looked slightly embarrassed over not being able to sit still and just talk after specifically requesting intelligent conversation from me. “What do you want to do then?” As soon as I finished my sentence my brain decided to list all sorts of intriguing ways to relieve Remus’ tension. Most of them involved nudity. “Well… I really miss one thing about being in a relationship.” Remus sounded so wistful; I immediately wanted nothing more than to provide him with his unnamed desire. I must admit my mind quickly filled once again with suggestions of what he might mean, none of which were suitable activities with Theodore in the next room. He broke me out of my lascivious thoughts as he continued to speak. “I miss dancing with a partner. I always loved moving with someone else like we were attuned to each other. It’s an indescribable feeling.” I couldn’t have asked for a more obvious way to alter my image from friend to love interest with Remus. I just wished it was something I had more experience with. “You’d have to teach me, but I would be willing to dance with you.” A very pleased expression fixed itself to Remus’ face at my response. “Would you really? I would be most grateful Severus. We can just do a two step, it’s very easy to learn and it is much less stuffy than a waltz.” After a brief description and demonstration of a two step I already was half wishing I hadn’t offered. It looked simple enough but I would be in Remus’ arms. I wasn’t sure I could control myself properly if I was so distracted. Yet the very idea of dancing with Remus sent shivers of delight down my spine. This might be my only way into Remus’ heart. As Remus pulled me into position I suddenly realized precisely how close I was going to be to him for the next several minutes. I remember he smelt like the forest, musky and wild. As soon as the next song’s background music started he began to lead me slowly around his living room floor. We call them cool Those hearts that have no scars to show The ones that never do let go And risk it the tables being turned Remus was smiling like he had just been granted his fondest wish and he was looking right at me. I stumbled slightly as I realized I had made him that happy by doing something so simple as agreeing to dance with him. Maybe this would work; maybe I could convince him to love me in return. We call them fools Who have to dance within the flame Who chance the sorrow and the shame That always come with getting burned I was slowly getting more sure footed as we continued dancing. Unfortunately that was a mixed blessing as it meant I did not need to fully engage my mind in my body’s motion. I found my mind drifting over the safe feeling of being held by someone I trusted and loved. But you got to be tough when consumed by desire 'Cause it's not enough just to stand outside the fire So far I’d managed to be tough in the face of my desire, but I was unsure I would be able to keep it up if Remus wanted to dance with me regularly. His arms felt so strong and safe. I wanted nothing more than to lay my head on his shoulder and move even closer to him as we danced. We call them strong Those who can face this world alone Who seem to get by on their own Those who will never take the fall Remus was smiling at me and made unblinking eye contact with me during this last verse as if we was trying to tell me something by sheer force of will. Did he think it applied to me? If so he was only half right. I could face the world alone, but only if I wanted to stumble and fall frequently. We call them weak Who are unable to resist The slightest chance love might exist And for that forsake it all Remus’ smile turned self deprecating during that verse as if he thought it applied to him and wished it didn’t. I might have imagined it, but I thought Remus had moved closer to me at some point during our dance. They're so hell bent on giving; walking a wire Convinced it's not living if you stand outside the fire Remus decided I was ready to step up the pace. As soon as the music sped up for the chorus we mirrored it’s speed change. Standing outside the fire Standing outside the fire Life is not tried it is merely survived If you're standing outside the fire Remus decided I was doing well so he started getting fancy on me. I was spun around and our hold somehow changed so he was behind me with his arms pulling me back against his firm chest. I could feel the heat of his body through his shirt. I remember feeling like I was floating as we danced. There's this love that is burning Deep in my soul Constantly yearning to get out of control Wanting to fly higher and higher I can't abide standing outside the fire Remus stopped twirling me around for that verse and went back to dancing slowly with me in a more typical position. His eyes latched on to mine and I found myself both unwilling and unable to look away. He looked at me like I held the secret to the world, as if he could learn the most important thing in the universe if only he looked hard enough. If I didn’t know Remus had no talent at Legilimency I would have thought he was attempting to read my mind. As suddenly as he had slowed he speed up again for the last line of the verse, once again spinning me away only to pull me forcefully back into his strong arms. Standing outside the fire Standing outside the fire Life is not tried it is merely survived If you're standing outside the fire I was officially enjoying this too much. Our chests weren’t quite touching, but it was a close thing. We were closer than we had ever been to each other outside of my dream. My heart was pounding and not only due to the dance. Standing outside the fire Standing outside the fire Life is not tried it is merely survived If you're standing outside the fire By the end of the dance we both were out of breath. We collapsed into our respective arm chairs still with our eyes locked on each other’s as if they were magnetized. I was smiling more openly than was my wont and he was looking at me very intently. I most definitely had an in with Remus now! (Comment on this)
11:10 pm	Standing Outside The Fire pt 12 This time I knocked on the door to Remus’ quarters immediately upon my arrival. The door opened to admit me and Remus immediately started sniffing interestedly at the bundle in my arms. “I smell chocolate. What did you bring this time Severus? It smells divine.” “Hello Remus nice to see you, I’m fine thank you for asking,” I quipped. Remus looked embarrassed, “Sorry about that Severus, let me get that before Teddy hugs you. We will enjoy it much more than the floor will.” As if on cue I heard the pitter patter of little running feet heading my way. I only just managed to hand the cake and potion over to the relative safety of Remus’ custody before being waylaid by his son. “Sev’rus! You came to see me! I missed you, Daddy made me visit Gran instead of see you last night.” At this point I had Theodore wrapped around my knees like an octopus. I felt in my element for the first time in several days. Remus took his potion and quietly retreated back into the kitchen with the cake to watch over his cooking food. “Hello Theodore, of course I came to see you. Your Father told me that you missed me. I missed you too.” I then picked up the little teal haired midget and wandered into the kitchen to sit and keep Remus company as he finished dinner. After a few minutes of Theodore telling me all about everything that had happened since I saw him a week ago he decided he was done sitting in my lap. “I want to go down now,” Theodore announced with all the seriousness of a king’s decree. “Bye Sev’rus! You staying for dinner?” “It should be are you staying for dinner, Theodore. Yes, I even brought a chocolate cake for dessert so you had better eat all of your dinner or you will not get any.” “I always eat my food cause I’m a big boy and big boys eat their food, right Daddy?” “That’s right Teddy, now run along and play. Dinner will be ready soon.” For a few minutes there was only the sounds of dinner cooking and Remus humming to himself. It was comfortable almost like nothing had ever changed. I still caught myself allowing my gaze to linger on Remus’ arse and hips swaying in time with the song he had playing as he cooked. I found my hands positively itching to grab that arse as I kissed him, but I managed to rein myself in before I actually did either. I cast about for a way to distract myself from the temptation being waved in my face. “You might as well tell me the gossip. I’m due to visit with Poppy and Minerva next week and if I already know about it I will be spared their dramatics.” “Actually this particular gossip is a bit unusual. Your God son has been keeping company with Hermione for sometime as I suspect you had figured out. Draco has recently been seen in Harry’s company in what seemed to be an intimate fashion several times, though it was only the body language and lack of screaming or bodily injury between the two that caught everyone’s attention. Everyone was assuming the worst of Draco until Hermione became thoroughly annoyed at the rumors and announced rather loudly in the Great Hall during breakfast over a week ago that she, Harry and Draco had been in a relationship for some four years now and we could ‘blow our speculations about her love life out our ears as far as she was concerned’. So naturally now it’s the only thing anyone will talk about.” I sat there like an idiot in shock for at least five minutes. Potter wasn’t competition then. No wonder he was confused when I told him to take good care of Remus! Remus wouldn’t have decided to reenter the insanity that is dating if he knew Potter was taken twice over. He must have known as he learned of the affair over a week ago. More importantly before he told me he wanted to have a romantic relationship again. My heart decided this was an excellent time to perform a jig in my chest. Remus was available! I began to laugh with a strange but wonderful mixture of joy and relief. “I suppose that is why Draco got a letter from both Hermione and Potter soon after I teased him about having a paramour at Hogwarts! I figured out Hermione was his significant other years ago, but I never would have guessed Potter and Draco! I couldn’t tell you how many times I had to separate those two when they were students. I guess I should have wondered at the never ending source of desire to throttle each other.” I laughed heartily for at least a minute before managing to limit myself to a few quiet chuckles. As soon as I started to laugh, Remus froze. He stopped stirring, turned off his stove top and turned to look at me as I tried to speak through my laughter. His eyes latched on to my face like a homing beacon. His attention was completely riveted on me as I laughed. He had a very strange expression on his face I found impossible to identify, though I remembered seeing that look on him before somewhere. It was almost as if he was intentionally storing the memory of me laughing unabashedly. “Severus I don’t think I’ve ever seen or heard you laugh before! You really should allow yourself to more often; you look ten years younger when you laugh.” “I rarely feel the need to laugh. Though it is fun to do so on occasion.” “Then I’ll just have to figure out how to make you laugh all the time won’t I?” Remus teased with his eyes sparkling with happiness. “Dinner is done so if you’ll tell me how much you want we can get started.” After serving all three of us and carrying the seconds to the table Remus called Teddy for dinner and we tucked in with gusto. Theodore talked about the day school he went to three days a week and the friends he had made. Remus spoke about his students and the trials and triumphs inherent in teaching. I spoke of the research I performed during the weekends and when the shop was closed. As I looked around I suddenly realized how much we looked and acted like a family. Now that the idea of Remus being immediately swept up by Potter was no longer casting a pall over everything I felt much more hopeful in regards to my chances with Remus. After all we enjoyed each other’s company and Theodore adored me so it could work. The only problem was introducing the idea to Remus. Gryffindors are a rather stubborn lot and once they get an idea about someone or something it is remarkably hard to change their minds. In a way the fact that Draco had managed to change the minds of not one but two Gryffindors gave me proof that it was possible. I would be a poor ex-Head of Slytherin if I was outdone by my pupil! After dinner and dishes Remus and I retired to the matching armchairs before the fire. Theodore wandered off to play, but was clearly making sure to be in hearing range for when we announced dessert. We chatted about the new legislation being either added or removed by the Ministry, about new theories in both of our respective fields that we either found ingenious or laughable, about anything and everything that came to mind. I was so glad that my new emotions hadn’t ruined my closest friendship. Remus wasn’t in love with Potter. I had a chance however slim, but how to attract him? (Comment on this)
11:03 pm	Standing Outside The Fire pt 11 I returned to Subtle Science & Exact Art the next day late as I did not sleep well the night before. The Wolfsbane potion would soon require most if not all of my attention for the next eight hours. Draco had closed for lunch so the shop was empty. I found three familiar looking owls waiting to be relieved of their respective burdens. They all appeared to be members of Hogwart’s owlery. I briefly worried I had somehow been noticed yesterday when I was eavesdropping on Remus and Potter. I rewarded all of the owls handsomely as I know Draco has a tendency to take obscenely long breaks for lunch especially when I am not present. He’s lucky I’m fond of him. They each carried a single letter. Two were for Draco, one from Ms. Granger and one from Potter. The remaining letter was from Remus and addressed to me. As always I scanned the mail for hexes and the like even though all the handwriting matched the names attached. After all there are charms to mimic handwriting. Nothing as usual, but I had received a few cursed letters in the past. If Draco hadn’t returned as soon as I realized Potter had actually written to him I would have read it out of curiosity. “Welcome back Draco. You have a love letter or two waiting for you,” I teased. He is remarkably entertaining to needle about such things. His blushes are easy to provoke and show clearly despite his best efforts on his pale complexion. I remember having the same problem at his age, but he won’t learn to control it if he doesn’t get practice. I’m merely helping. The speed with which Draco rushed over and obtained the letters lends credence to my jest. He stuffs them in the inner pocket of his robe. Paranoid boy thinks I’m interested in his love letters. Only when I move to retrieve my letter do I realize in his rush to save his own he also took my letter. “Draco, I know you like to know what I am up to, but I really must demand you return my letter.” Once again Draco blushed like a sunset. He dug out the letters and finding mine handed it over. “I’m glad you decided not to hold it for ransom, you would have been highly disappointed.” I returned to my workshop to read my letter in peace. I was rather nervous as the last letter I received from Remus lead to my world’s foundations shaking, but certainly he couldn’t drop something as shocking on me this time. Dear Severus, I know you’ve spent the day hard at work on my potion so I’d like to invite you over for dinner so you can relax tonight. Teddy’s been asking when you’re coming to see him next, I think he misses you. I’m planning Fettuccini Alfredo with those sausages you love so much unless you have a request. Please come, I haven’t had anything even vaguely resembling intelligent conversation for far too long. Everyone is caught up in the newest relationship gossip so that’s all I’ve heard about for a week. I’ll give you the very short version if you wish when you arrive. Save me from brain atrophy! Remus This was much more in line with our typical letters and conversations. I could feel my shoulders loosen when I finished. He was unaware of my newly discovered feelings; I could continue to be his friend with just a little effort to hide my longings from him. Nothing had to change. It was with a much lighter heart I penned my response. Remus, I am a bit worn out, but I am always open to your Alfredo as you very well know. I admit I have missed Theodore’s exuberance. A lack of intelligent conversation is not to be tolerated; I shall be pleased to provide you with an outlet. As you know I frequently find a deficiency in that precious commodity. Relationship gossip in Hogwarts is at least the fourth level of Hell, but what did you expect with that many female co-workers? Brain atrophy shall not be permitted in my favorite debate partner! It would make our conversations much less compelling. I shall be there by six tonight so young Theodore has plenty of time to visit with me. Severus Satisfied with my response I whistled for Persephone. “There you are, take this to Remus’ quarters. I believe he is currently in class.” After tying the letter to her leg and letting her out I began the prep work for the second phase of the potion. Remus’ potion needed to be made today, the one day I wanted to avoid thinking about him more than all the stars in the sky. Every step I checked and double checked even though I memorized this potion when he first came to teach at Hogwarts. Any point in the brewing process that did not command my complete concentration my traitorous brain would throw me cruelly tantalizing snippets of my dream or other moments from my friendship with Remus. Remus was a rather cautious man, especially for a Gryffindor. He always watched anyone interacting with Theodore like a hawk, the only exceptions I know of being Andromeda, Potter and myself. One could easily argue it was his nature as a werewolf to be protective of his cub, the last surviving member of his pack, but I thought it was more than that. Remus, much like myself, had a distressing tendency to lose those he cared for to death or betrayal. I found his protective behavior towards Theodore quite logical as he’d been betrayed by even his nearest and dearest friends. What puzzled me were his exceptions not his rule. Andromeda made sense as she was the boy’s grandmother and held young Theodore dearer than her own life. Even Potter made sense as he was the boy’s God Father and thus responsible for him if the worst should happen. Where did I fit in the pattern? Both Andromeda and Potter were family either by marriage or choice. I was just myself; I had no bond to Remus save one of camaraderie. Where did I fit in? As I had to let the Wolfsbane simmer for four hours before the second phase and then another four hour simmer, one hour of simmer time for each phase of the moon, I needed to find something to occupy myself with. I had plenty of time to make up a dessert to bring along for dinner tonight. In the past I done so to the great delight of both Remus and Theodore as I was well aware of their mutual love of chocolate and all things sweet. I was by no means a chef, but I was a member of the school of thought that proclaimed “If something is worth doing it is worth doing well.” I placed a status charm on my ingredients and apparated home to prepare my dessert. The cake I had in mind was ridiculously simple to create, but tasted like something that was incredibly labor intensive. It was known as Flourless Chocolate Cake, and was well named. It’s only ingredients included cocoa powder, chocolate chips, vanilla extract, sugar, eggs and hot water all blended together to make a sort of runny batter that you pour into a spring form pan and bake. It was obscenely rich and decadent cake that was heavy like a brownie. I had only recently found a recipe for it and I was convinced it would be well received by both Remus and Theodore. Less than half an hour later the cake was in my oven and my kitchen was once again spotless. I set a timer to go off when the cake was finished and settled down with my current novel. As soon as it was done I pulled it out, covered it and left it to cool on the counter. I returned to my novel, but reset my timer to alert me when I needed to return to work before starting the second phase of the potion. I finished and bottled Wolfsbane potion and had cleaned up my station by five. After collecting the first dose and telling Draco he was responsible for closing up I floo’d home to shower and change for dinner. After all it wouldn’t do to arrive smelling of several toxic substances. I picked up my cake and the Wolfsbane on my way out and apparated to the gate leading to the school. (Comment on this)
11:03 pm	Standing Outside The Fire pt 10 As I was on my way out I was passing through the corridor that Remus’ classroom is on. The lunch bell had just rung so a veritable stream of students were tumbling out into the hallways. As I walked toward the castle’s exit I heard Potter and Remus talking in the classroom. I had every intention of ignoring whatever they were doing, until I heard what Potter was saying. “I told you it was a bad idea to tell him Remus. I know you were certain of his reaction, but you didn’t hear him yesterday.” That brought me up short. I had assumed from the way Remus had spoken that they hadn’t yet started a romantic relationship. I paused and realizing the door was open and the students had already cleared the hall on their way to lunch. Eavesdropping would be the proverbial piece of cake. I cast a concealment charm on myself and moved so I could see both of the room’s occupants. They both seemed completely engaged in their argument. “His reaction was one I can live with, I was given encouragement if in a roundabout fashion and I am going to continue.” Remus responded in a slightly aggravated tone as if this was an old argument. “If you keep this up you are going to lose him as a friend completely. Snape said he wished you well and that he wanted you to be happy but his eyes looked dead inside. I’ve never seen anyone look so broken!” Remus would never lose me, I promised both him and myself that years ago when everything was still normal between us. Apparently I have lost all my ability to hide my feelings due to lack of practice if Potter could tell I was miserable yesterday. I could almost see Remus’ hackles rise at Potter’s words as he growled his response. “Just what are you implying Harold James Potter?!” I have only seen Remus mad a handful of times in my life. Usually he gets very quiet and speaks in a calm, firm, no-nonsense voice that I have witnessed him use successfully even with Mrs. Weasley. Remus always was protective of those he cared for. I must have missed the notice when I rose high enough on the list for him to defend me to Potter. I had never encountered Remus being confrontational and growling at anyone before. He seemed to have a voice custom ordered and designed for a dominant. I had to steady myself against the wall for a second as my knees wobbled at the sound; his voice sounded exactly like the edible voice he used in my dream last night. Something in me reveled in the sound of his growled words. My mind flitted back to my dream in exquisite detail; maybe he is not a push over in real life after all. If only I could get him to speak to me in that voice in an intimate setting. “I am implying nothing Remus. I am straight out telling you that he would do or accept anything to make you happy even if he found it distressing. This will tear him apart if you force this. Do you really want to be the cause of Snape’s spirit finally breaking just so you can be happy?!” I have been on the other end of Potter’s rage so often it took me a second to realize he was defending me to Remus though I had no idea what from. Potter seemed stuck on the idea that Remus would lose me despite my reassurance yesterday that I would not leave. Potter’s defense of me seemed to soothe Remus from furious to merely annoyed in moments. When he spoke again it was in his more common upset tone. “Severus would never let me hurt him that badly. Besides I know him well and I can tell when he is distressed. I know he was last night, but I imagine he wasn’t expecting the talk we had out of the blue.” Of course I wasn’t expecting you to tell me suddenly you were on the market but you’d already chosen someone else, no applicants need apply. That’s not the type of conversation one has with their closest friend every day! There was a long pause. Potter finally broke it with, “Remus, why did Snape tell me to ‘take care of you’ and that you ‘deserve to be happy’?” He seemed genuinely perplexed over my statement. I couldn’t bear to hear Remus confess his love for another with me standing in the hall so I took the only logical course of action. I fled. (Comment on this)
11:01 pm	Standing Outside The Fire pt 9 My mood switched from ecstatic to despondent in the space of a single heart beat. Of course the most intense sexual experience I’ve ever had was a dream. I’m just that lucky. That would explain why Remus knew exactly where and how to touch me not to mention how to tease me into bliss. I was obscenely glad Remus wouldn’t need his potion until tomorrow as I doubted I would be able to face him so soon after such a vivid dream. Maybe I could get Draco to handle it for me. I pulled myself out of bed and into my shower; the lethargy caused by my release seemed to only rub in that Remus was not and never would be mine. I scrubbed myself fervently to remove the perceived mockery of my desire. After dressing and eating I apparated to my shop. I was in a mood reminiscent of my mercifully short stint as Headmaster. I felt powerless and furious; it is not a combination I would recommend to anyone. Draco of course immediately noticed my mood and thus didn’t bother with is usual greeting. He wisely ignored me as I made much more noise than usual setting up to brew. After spending four hours in a rather foul mood my work finally calmed me down enough to think properly. As I was bottling the last of the potions I had started this morning I remembered the patronus from my dream and the word Remus had said right before I awoke. I needed to do some research. I was at a natural breaking point so now was good. Besides Draco probably needed assurance I wasn’t going to go on a murderous rampage or something. I could go to a public library, but I knew Madam Pince had an extensive collection of books on both magical and non-magical fauna. I reentered the front of my shop much calmer and quieter than I had entered this morning. Draco glanced my way nervously until he realized I was no longer in “smite everyone” mode as he had once dubbed it. “Do I even want to know what set you off?” He queried in a teasing tone as he already knew my response. “Being my godson does not mean I have to tell you everything, Draco.” “No, but it does not stop me from wondering Uncle Sev.” A devilish smile crossed his face. He knows I how much I dislike diminutives. “You keep that up and I’ll tell your paramour to call you Dray.” I teased back in a stern voice. Draco paled. “You wouldn’t dare! Besides you don’t know who I’m seeing.” “Don’t I? I have noticed precisely how eager you are to deliver potions to Poppy for the last several years. I think I could hazard a guess as to why.” I was previously unaware a human being’s face could change from parchment pale to Weasley red so fast. Never let it be said that I don’t love to torment those I care for. After leaving a thoroughly embarrassed Draco minding my shop I began my walk to the castle and the library within. As many unpleasant memories I had of Hogwarts it had been my home for most of my life. It became in my mind something of a safe haven for me. I remember many nights when I was still undercover wishing with my entire being to come back whole and undiscovered. So my feelings on returning were always a mixed bag. It was like coming home, but it was also like going somewhere you’d hoped you would never have to return. I found it much easier if I stuck to areas without strong negative memories such as the Library. Madam Pince had been the Librarian when I was a student and would doubtless be the Librarian when Theodore finished school. Luckily she and I always had a cordial relationship as I only ever wrote in my own books and she never knew about that. I nodded a greeting in passing to her as I entered her domain. I had spent many hours here both as a student and as a professor so I knew the prober section to start my search. After finding “Magda’s Guide to Canines: Mystical and Mundane” I began searching the index for ‘Hovawart’. When I found the correct page I was once again confronted with the shape of my patronus from my dream. The picture was of a rather attractive dog reminiscent of a Golden Retriever but with a longer fuller coat. It’s golden brown eyes brought Remus’ to my mind. As I read through the temperament of the breed I understood more and more why I had chosen that shape to represent Remus. The breed was described as determined, obedient and affectionate. They were loyal to the group or family but tended to latch on to one person as their favorite. Good with children and playful even in old age; reserved with strangers, good natured and even tempered. Brave, protective and alert were all applicable especially when it came to Theodore. Hovawarts are intelligent, highly trainable and dominant. If only I could talk Remus into being dominant with me while I’m awake! I had not cast a patronus since the war. I had found all of my memories of Lily since our falling exquisitely bittersweet though I still used her memory during the wars. They always formed a non-distinct patronus. This time I intentionally cast my thoughts to memories of Remus before I summoned my patronus. A very clear and solid-looking Hovawart burst from my wand with much less effort than I was accustomed. He padded over to me and nuzzled at my hand as if asking to be petted. My heart ached for I knew I truly had managed to fall once again for my closest friend who wanted no part of my love. (Comment on this)
10:57 pm	Standing Outside The Fire pt 8 I was in bed when I heard someone on my staircase. I grabbed my wand and rolled to the edge of the bed furthest from the door. They sounded much too big to be my house elf, Loki, whom I only rarely heard. I got up and crouched behind the bed whilst aiming at my door. I grabbed my knee length bathrobe, black of course, and tied it quickly and loosely around myself so as to have some protection and covering if I was about to engage in a duel. Though I was acquitted of all war crimes I know there are people on both sides with good reasons to wish me harm. I fired off two patroni, one to Remus and one to Minerva. Without removing my eyes from my bedroom door I gave my message. “Someone got through my wards. Unknown intent or number, come at once.” As they both dashed off one of them passed partially through my field of vision just enough for me to realize they weren’t the size or shape I expected them to be. At the exact instant I became distracted by my patroni’s improper form my bedroom door opened revealing a dark figure. “Severus, are you awake?” I nearly fired off a hex at the figure in the door way before my reflexes caught up with my ears. “Damn it Remus you know better than to enter my house unannounced in the middle of the night! I thought I was under attack, Minerva will be here any moment convinced I’m in mortal danger!” I was thoroughly annoyed and confused. Remus had never showed up in my house in the middle of the night before. “I’m no threat to you so could you lower your wand please?” I complied. His hair was ruffled as if he had been in bed until recently. He was wearing trousers that were quite form fitting, especially across the thighs, groin and arse leaving very little to the imagination. They hinted at a distinct and intriguing lack of underclothes. He was also wearing a long-sleeved white button up shirt with the top three unfastened leaving his throat and some of his chest exposed as if he had dressed in a hurry. The sleeves were rolled up to just below his elbows revealing muscular forearms. He had a most intriguing expression on his face. It was one I desperately wanted to see more of but for some reason could not easily identify. I approached him slowly, savoring his presence in my bedroom while looking so enticing. “Why did you come to me in the middle of the night Remus,” I queried. I was concerned there was an emergency of some sort, after all what other reason would he have to be here in my bedchambers at four in the morning. “I had to show you something.” “Is there a good reason you could not have done so during dinner or in the morning?” I replied in an irritated tone. “I couldn’t wait any longer to do this, I’ve waited so long,” he responded in a firm but longing voice. As he spoke he began to prowl towards me, slowly encroaching on my personal space. As he approached my eyes were drawn to his. They seemed to glow softly in the dim light. Half of my brain was screaming at me to run but the other half wanted to be caught by this predator. I was mesmerized by his eyes and his movement. I backed away slowly, never breaking eye contact as he approached until I ran into the wall. I began to harden as he continued to approach me with a smooth and powerful gait that I found simultaneously exciting and scary. “What do you think you are doing?!” I felt like willing prey as he backed me into the wall and placed an arm on either side of my body. I didn’t know what to make of a Remus who suddenly radiated dominance like the sun radiated light and heat. I never suspected it of him or I would have jumped him ages ago. He gave me a wild, toothy smile which made the blood rush to my cock and my heart race. “Merely taking what is mine,” he said with a delicious growl. Suddenly both of my wrists were held quite securely in one of his hands above my head and he was scenting my neck. His free hand untied my bathrobe and began stroking my exposed chest possessively. He pressed me firmly to the wall with his torso. I could feel every glorious inch of him against my ravenous body. For a few moments I reveled in the sensation. My mind raced, I had studied Werewolves in-depth before attempting to brew the Wolfsbane potion the first time. Remus was exhibiting a textbook case of claiming behavior. He wanted me as I wanted him. The rush of emotion at the thought nearly overwhelmed me and I was convinced my legs would have given out if he hadn’t pinned me so perfectly to the wall. As I turned my head to expose my throat to him thus accepting his claim and dominance over my being I saw the patronus I had sent to Remus earlier. It was a rather large canine but clearly not a wolf; it looked highly similar to a Retriever, but somehow I was certain it was not one. I was distracted from my patronus’ altered shape by a pleased sounding growl from Remus. Remus started his seduction by ever so lightly brushing his lips along the line of my neck in more of a tease than an actual kiss. He slowly started to lick, nibble and suck on my neck in turns so exquisitely I was tempted to never move again. My very skin seemed to beg for more. His free hand started to slide in a meandering path down my abdomen towards my insistent erection. My boxers were quickly removed to grant him even greater access to my suddenly demanding body. I must have looked strange standing there with my hands pinned to the wall in nothing but an open black bathrobe framing my pale torso and legs panting and making quiet noises of encouragement. He teased my sensitive inner thighs working up to the crease between thigh and groin with barely there touches followed immediately by raking nails. With each pass he got closer and closer to where I so desperately needed him to touch me only to begin the process again. Remus began to nuzzle my neck like a cat marking their territory. He obviously hadn’t shaved since the previous morning. The stubble felt raspy against my vulnerable neck, almost like a cat’s tongue. It scratched lightly at my skin leaving a very pleasurable burn in its wake. I swore I could feel all my nerve endings come alive at the gentle but coarse touch. Remus suddenly stopped teasing me. I was still forced against the wall, but he had stopped his attentions to both my neck and my groin. I was pinned completely to the wall, at his mercy and he just stopped touching me. I remember whimpering pitifully at the sudden lack of exquisite torture. “Please don’t stop!” I cried, my skin was screaming for sensation. Anything would do. I just needed desperately to be touched by him. Remus pulled his lower body away from me to unzip his trousers and remove his hard cock. Remus placed his right leg between mine so I was straddling his muscular thigh and started to rock his gorgeous hips against mine in a maddeningly slow and gentle fashion. I must have moaned again for he made another pleased sounding growl deep in his chest that I both felt and heard. My prick throbbed at that glorious sound. He returned to my sensitized neck now biting, licking and sucking as he ground himself into me. “Oh Remus, sweet Merlin, yes!” I was holding on to my control by a thread and I didn’t care. I suddenly had access to the most fervent desire of my soul; how could self control possibly stand a chance? I was arching against him as hard as I could trying desperately to increase the contact between us. He reluctantly released my neck from it’s exquisite torture to kiss his way up to my ear to suck and nibble on my lobe. “Tell me what it is you want.” His voice was rougher and deeper than usual, almost a purr; it was simultaneously an entreaty and a demand. It melted what little remained of my control. “Anything, everything, I don’t care just more damn you!” I groaned in response. I was so thoroughly pinned to my wall I couldn’t move a muscle to take what I so desperately desired. I could just barely rock my cock against Remus’ thigh and hope he would move harder and faster. I was completely without thought. I felt like I was floating in a turbulent sea of desire and was convinced if I was not satisfied soon I would die of want. “As you wish,” he whispered into my ear before, finally, diving in to kiss me. It was the most ungentle kiss I had ever received and I wanted it to never end. His hand cradled the back of my skull protecting my head from the wall and clutching at my hair giving him even more control over the kiss. I was once again glad of not only the wall behind me but the growling, sexy man forcing me against it. His teeth nibbled none too carefully on both my lips and his tongue invaded my mouth like a conquering army intent on plunder. By this point he was moaning as much as I was and his hips finally began to speed up. As we began our spiral towards ecstasy he whispered, “Hovawart” into my ear. I woke the instant I came with my heart racing. (Comment on this)
10:55 pm	Standing Outside The Fire pt 7 The more I thought about the events of last several years the less shocked I was that I had fallen for Remus. We were quite different in a number of ways, but we seemed to balance each other out. He was a calming influence on me and I managed to incite him to action when necessary. We had similar opinions on a number of topics, but the ones we disagreed on frequently started informal but friendly debates. One of us often made a point the other never thought of prior which made for rather exciting conversations. Those who had known me as a teenager or teacher would assume our personalities would not only clash but explode upon impact. However, after the end of the war I was no longer under the control of two cruel and domineering masters, I quit a job I despised and received my pardon my stress level predictably dropped exponentially with a corresponding rise in my overall mood though I was still sharp with people who were willfully ignorant or irritating. I would never be considered personable or consistently charming, but I no longer wished to verbally abuse anyone who spoke to me without my permission. I’ve been accused of everything from “going soft in my old age” as Minerva so charmingly put it to taking recreational potions by a teasing Poppy. Only Remus seemed to accept the change in my temperament as a natural occurrence. He once said to me with a slight understanding smile, “I understand the stresses of being pulled in more than one direction at once.” What could I do about Remus now that I had realized my true feelings for him? For a while in the dark I wanted so very much not to care for him. Life would be much simpler. I could continue on as always and when Remus took Potter as his lover I might not approve, but I would be happy he was happy. I would get to keep my friend, still see Theodore and be content. I could sabotage the budding relationship between Remus and Potter. I freely admit my vindictive side loved that idea. Unfortunately my practical side beat it down with logic. After all how would I go about it and not get caught? Remus was a bright man and his sense of smell was quite incredible If Remus even suspected I had a hand in things I would lose our friendship. Even though friendship wasn’t what I wanted from Remus anymore it was much better than nothing. It clearly was not worth the risk. I would be best served to avoid him as much as possible, but the very thought saddened me. Even completely ignoring my own feelings on the subject Remus would be hurt if I started avoiding him. I found, much to my dismay, an irrational desire to protect Remus from any harm even to save myself some heartache. Besides I would miss his company. My vindictive side reared its head again to suggest a more “permanent” solution to the Potter problem. I knew immediately that wasn’t even an option. I’d spent nearly half my life trying to keep that particular idiot from getting himself killed, I could hardly help him along now. More to the point there would be the man hunt to end all man-hunts if “The Boy Who Lived” died unexpectedly, even with untraceable poisons. Maybe they would have a falling out of some kind! Then I would be there to comfort Remus when Potter showed his true colors. But that would take something rather horrendous on Potter’s part. I would rather Remus never be hurt in such a fashion. Remus is far too loyal for his own good at times and I doubted he could handle another betrayal. I must have stared at the fire brooding for several hours for the next thing I knew was the sound of the clock chiming two in morning. I rose from my chair feeling despondent and stiff. I went upstairs to prepare for bed and try to get some sleep before work tomorrow. After stripping down to my Slytherin green boxers I decided they were warm enough for nightclothes. As soon as my head hit the pillow I fell into a deep sleep. (Comment on this)
10:54 pm	Standing Outside The Fire pt 6 After leaving Remus’ quarters with much less poise than I would prefer I hurried out on to the grounds to gather my composure. As my luck had turned rather sour that evening I was not surprised to run across Potter working outside of his hut tending to some of his nocturnal charges. We no longer had an open feud, but the lack of said feud seemed to make conversation nigh on impossible. The mere thought of Potter with my Remus was enough to make me want to lash out and make him hurt as I did. “Hi Professor.” “Potter, I find it remarkable that I spent six years trying to force you to use my given title failed and now that it is no longer mine by right you choose to address me as such.” I replied in a sharp tone hoping to earn an excuse to badger him. “I have to put up with my own first years now. I think I understand your moods as a teacher more.” There was an awkward pause. Once again instead of rising to the bait as I was accustomed Potter decided to behave like an adult. It was something I was sure I would never see in my life time and still found rather disconcerting. “Been visiting Remus again?” Potter said with a tone and expression that was slyer than I would have credited him. “My presence was requested by him. He had some personal news he wished to share with me.” I replied in a rather flat voice. My response seemed to startle Potter. “Was it unwelcome news then? I was under the impression the two of you were happy,” Potter said in a concerned tone. “He is pleased with himself and I wish him the best,” I replied shortly. Potter looked at me like he’d never seen me before. Then he said in an incredulous voice, “You wish him the best?!” He sounded like I had just declared myself a pretty pixie that was going to grow up to be a ballerina. I seemed to be on a roll with confusing Gryffindors that day. Not that it’s hard to do at the best of times. “Are you abandoning him then?” His voice was at once protective and angry. I modulated my voice to sound as close to indifferent as I could manage. “Of course I do, he is my closest friend. I have no intention of ever leaving Remus unless he asks it of me.” The thought of that ever happening was enough to chill my blood. I paused to muster up the control to utter in a slightly shaky voice the horrid sentence, “Take care of him, he deserves to be happy.” Unable to pretend to be fine much longer I abruptly turned and stormed off. I managed to leave with my dignity intact, but my composure was in tatters by the time I Apparated home. I barely managed to enter, close and secure my door before I lost my poise completely. I threw myself into my favorite arm chair before the fire to integrate my newly discovered and tumultuous feelings. Why was it always a Potter that came between me and the one I wanted most? (Comment on this)
10:53 pm	Standing Outside The Fire pt 5 Knocking on Remus’ door and pretending nothing was wrong was much harder than I expected. I had gotten so accustomed to not having to wear my mask with Remus and Theodore that it took most of my concentration to smooth out my features into a polite, bland expression. At the sound of my knock the music cut off abruptly and was switched to a soothing classical piece I was unfamiliar with. I heard Remus approach the door at a greater speed than usual. The door opened on a nervous but positively glowing werewolf. My hormones did a little dance at his appearance and stomach lurched. I wished I was the reason for that look, but I knew better. I hadn’t seen him so happy since the court ruled Theodore should be in his custody. “Severus you are early! Come in I’m not quite done with dinner.” Remus managed to gain custody of his cub with Potter’s help soon after the war. Andromeda had a good relationship with them both and watched over Theodore while Remus was at work in addition to the day before, of and after the full moon. As such I was nearly always rushed as soon as I entered Remus’ quarters by a midget with scruffy teal hair and laughing golden eyes. His traditional greeting consisted of running full tilt into my knees and hugging said knees while releasing a delighted shriek of “Sev’rus”! Apparently frequent gifts of books and chocolate will cement you as a wonderful person with either of the Lupins. Whenever Remus and I would sit and talk while young Theodore was in residence sooner or later he would end up in my lap and usually would fall asleep there. Remus frequently expressed a desire for me to be there every evening. He swears Theodore is next to impossible to put to bed most nights. As it was a weekday evening nine days prior to the full moon I expected any second to have Theodore fling himself at me from wherever he currently was playing. After a minute I had still not received my “flying Teddy hug” as Remus called it. So I sat and looked around for signs of the child. No toys scattered on the floor and no noise aside from Remus puttering about in his kitchen and the crackling of the fire. It was vaguely eerie. “Is Theodore visiting his Grandmother?” I inquired. “Yes, I wanted to have a quiet conversation with you,” replied Remus. I was so busy trying to maintain my mask during dinner I couldn’t have said for certain what we ate or whether it was any good. I would have given anything for Theodore to be there to break the tension that appeared out of nowhere between us. Remus tried half heartedly to start small talk several times but almost immediately we would descend back into an awkward silence so unlike our usual camaraderie. After what had to be the most uncomfortable meal I had ever shared with anyone Remus and I settled into our usual chairs before the fire with a glass of fire whiskey a piece. Again the uncanny silence descended on us. I took it upon myself to break it as my host seemed disinclined. “For crying out loud Remus just spit it out!” I said, “If you hadn’t told me you and Theodore where both alive and well I would be starting to worry.” “Sorry I’m merely trying to gather my thoughts,” said Remus. “I’m not sure how to do this; I don’t have much experience with these kinds of conversations you know.” There was another pause as if he had to work up the courage to continue. “I’m interested in having a romantic relationship. I’ve thought about it and I think I’m ready to try again.” Remus seemed to be holding his breath while awaiting my response to his news. I managed to control my face and voice only by glancing at the fire briefly before returning my gaze to Remus. “Well bully for you! Who did you have in mind?” This relatively simple question seemed to catch Remus completely off guard. He paused and looked intently at me as if trying to solve a puzzle when he’d only seen half of the pieces briefly in the dark. Then in a halting voice he responded, “I- I guess I don’t know. Maybe I’ll just start dating again.” I was confused by his method of telling me about his proposed change in love life. It was almost like he had a long speech worked out and I threw a wrench into things somehow. What father with a small child just decides out of the blue to date without having someone in mind? That didn’t seem like Remus, he always put much more thought into his decisions than most Gryffindors. What if he chose someone who was cruel to his son without his knowledge? Images of my own childhood filled my mind. No I would make sure I was available for Theodore at least just in case. “You invited me over to tell me you want to start dating again? Do you want me to agree to watch Theodore for you or did you want my input on potential options?” Once again I seemed to have completely lost Remus. He looked ridiculously confused, like a puppy who thought someone had thrown their toy but had hidden it instead. He recovered momentarily. “Yes as such, Andromeda has already called dibs on babysitting, but if you want to be my back up I would appreciate it.” He paused again and an expression I could not identify briefly flashed across his face and wonderfully expressive eyes. “Actually I wanted advice on how to approach someone I think might be interested. He has trust issues you see and though we are good friends I’m worried about scaring him off or losing our friendship.” Those last two sentences confirmed my suspicions and caused a strong physical ache in my chest almost as if I was suddenly missing a chunk of my torso. I only just managed not to run my hand over my aching chest to make sure I was still whole. He might as well as named Potter as his chosen. They worked together and visited each other frequently. If nothing else Potter was a convenient option for Remus and at least safe for Theodore. I had to turn away for a moment to compose myself. Remus wanted my advice on how to woo someone else. I could almost feel my heart breaking. I could hardly bear the thought, and yet I did want him to be happy even if it was not with me. If there is one thing I learned from the train wreck that was the end of my friendship with Lily it was holding on to someone who doesn’t want you only makes things worse. Unable to look at him as I advised him on how to win his chosen I stared at the fire instead. “The best advice I can give you is to go slowly. If he are skittish the worst thing you can do is overwhelm him. Get him accustomed not only to your presence, but also to your touch in non-threatening ways,” I said, “You might try helping him while he works. Skittish people have frequently been abused in some way so be patient and careful.” There, now Remus has been properly warned without me directly breaking Potter’s confidence and his odds of succeeding and being happy are much improved. I gathered my courage to see if my message had been properly received and looked once again at the man who had somehow stolen my heart without me noticing, he must never know it. Remus’ face took on such an overwhelming look of dawning understanding and sympathy at my advice I knew he would honor it properly. In a slightly choked voice he responded, “Oh Severus… I understand. I promise I will take it slow. Thank you, that was very enlightening.” Feeling my composure could not hold out much longer as I was no longer accustomed to controlling my tone and expression I began to plot an excuse to escape. “Well,” I said in as casual tone as I could muster, “I should leave so you can collect your son and put him to bed.” Good I sound like I’m being gracious and not running away to lick my wounds in privacy. Instead of the immediate acceptance of my statement I expected I got a pensive look followed by a slow understanding smile. “Of course, good night Severus.” (Comment on this)
10:52 pm	Standing Outside The Fire pt 4 Time seemed to move at a snail’s pace simply to aggravate me. I must have checked the time more often that day than I typically did in an entire year. Finally it was an hour before my requested appearance. I finished cleaning up my work station and took the floo back home. I trudged up stairs to shower and change out of my work clothes. Half an hour later I was ready to leave. I apparated to my shop in Hogsmeade then walked towards the castle and Remus’ rooms while worrying again about my friend. Remus, like most Gryffindors, has a tendency to wear his heart on his sleeve. I had in the past noticed he made “ceedees” containing music based on the mood he was in. For example he was especially fond of “It's a great day to be alive” when he was cheerful. I suspect it might have had something to do with the references to a lone wolf that was “harmless as can be” and howling at the moon. As I approached Remus’ quarters I heard music and someone singing along through the door what sounded like a verse of a song I was unfamiliar with. “Trust in me, And you will find a heart so true. All I want to do is give the best of me to you, And stand beside you. Just ask it will be done, And I will prove my love, Until you're sure that I'm the one.” Remus was in love. If I had to guess my reaction to that knowledge a week ago I would have assumed the typical friend reaction. I would be happy for him and only mildly annoyed about any disruption in our established pattern. Of course being happy for him would not save him from friendly ribbing on the subject. My actual reaction to that concept could not have been more different. I felt like I’d just been sucker punched. My stomach suddenly lost all interest in food though I hadn’t eaten since breakfast and my throat felt swollen like it had when I was still healing from Nagini’s bite. It was a feeling I hadn’t encountered in many years, but I’d know it anywhere. I was suddenly, insanely jealous. Remus had certainly waited long enough after his wife’s death to decide to have another relationship. Five years was plenty of time by anyone’s standards but who had caught his interest after all this time? His letter seemed to imply it had been going on for a while, but he hadn’t mentioned spending time with anyone besides me except…he wouldn’t! Potter was far too young especially after the fuss Remus had kicked up over Nympodora’s age. There was nothing for it. I was expected and I would tell Remus that I was happy for him even if it was not remotely true. (Comment on this)
10:51 pm	Standing Outside The Fire pt 3 After three years of steady companionship Lupin finally got fed up with me not calling him by name. “Severus we’ve known each other since we were eleven and been friends for several years. You manage to call Teddy by name why not me? ” I of course responded with a smug smirk and said, “I thought you’d never ask.” Remus needs to learn to assert himself more and if I can annoy him into action so much the better. Though Remus is much less of a tag along these days than he was before the mutt’s unfortunate but highly amusing death. Soon after Remus found his backbone he started abusing it by showing up to visit me without so much as a by-your-leave so, just to teach him a lesson, I returned the favor. After five years of comfortable friendship Remus sent me a rather odd message. Dear Severus, If your schedule permits I would greatly appreciate your company tonight. There is something I feel is important for you to know. I’ve been meaning to tell you for a while. If you are available tonight I would like you to come to my quarters for Dinner. Let me know ASAP. Please come. Remus Frankly he couldn’t have made me more curious if the professed a sudden desire to not only fly to the moon but set up permanent residence there. I tried to mask my concern in my return message which I penned and sent off as soon as I finished his with strict instructions to my black and gray owl, Persephone, to find Remus and not leave until he had responded. Remus, My schedule is my own to set these days as you well know. Therefore of course I can make myself available. Has something happened to you or Theodore? Do you need anything? Severus I admit freely that I couldn’t be bothered to brew while waiting to hear back from Remus. He and his son had become undeniably dear to me through the years. Less than an hour later, though it felt much longer, I received another unenlightening response. Dear Severus, I am pleased you can make it tonight. Teddy is his cheerful self and I am healthy. I merely have news I wish to share. Remus Well at least I knew he wasn’t dying, but he only said he was healthy after specifically stating Theodore was as always. Of course I received his second owl at seven in the morning so I had all day to come up with a multitude of bizarre and horrible things that could have happened. I took the floo to my shop and immediately sequestered myself in my work. I only managed to distract myself from my crack pot theories by brewing ten relatively low maintenance potions in bulk simultaneously. (Comment on this)
10:49 pm	Standing Outside The Fire pt 2 By the time my voice returned my business was in full swing and was growing steadily. It grew so steadily that I hired on Draco as my assistant when I opened my store, Subtle Science & Exact Art apothecary, in Hogsmeade a year after the war. His main job is to deal with the customers though he also assists with brewing after hours. On occasion when I’m brewing something that cannot be unsupervised, such as Wolfsbane he hand carries Poppy’s order to her. At first he dreaded the prospect, but now he is almost eager for the excuse. I suspect either Poppy’s taken to telling him tales about me as a child or he’s acquired a beau at Hogwarts. That same year Lupin and I started meeting a bare minimum of once a week, usually on Friday, for tea and conversation. At about that time I was shamed into visiting my cousin and accidentally Minerva as well. Minerva and I always had an odd relationship. She had been somewhat of a mentor to me since I joined the Hogwarts Staff. Though we rarely saw eye to eye we had a mutual respect for each other. We were not what most people would dub friends, but I acted towards her like a boy visiting his favorite maiden Aunt. We were both rather strict, controlled people with a compatible sense of humor. We often visited each other, especially when we were angry, because we both knew that the other would listen and not judge the other harshly for things said in anger. I was in my second year of teaching when my Mother was murdered by my Father while he was intoxicated. Minerva acted as my confidant during that time. She became a surrogate mother figure for me and I became a beloved, if occasionally aggravating, son to her or so I had thought. It seemed I had not been absolved of Albus’ murder despite my trial’s ruling as far as Minerva was concerned as I had neither seen nor heard from her since the end of the war which distressed me greatly though I could not blame her. My visit with Poppy coincided with a drop off of her ordered potions for the infirmary. She usually manages to talk me into visiting over tea on such occasions. After dismissing Ms. Granger, her new assistant, for the evening Poppy started to spin an entertaining story about one of the more bizarre injuries she had encountered during her time at St Mungo's as an intern. Then Minerva entered the room. Poppy immediately stopped narrating and went very still. I took one look at Minerva’s blank face and decided I should leave before she recovered enough to either curse me or throw me out. “Poppy as usual it has been a pleasure to speak with someone who agrees that most people are idiots at least some of the time. I’ll see you later.” I said with a slight smile. I inclined my head in a slight bow toward Minerva without making eye contact. “Headmistress.” Then I proceeded towards Poppy’s fireplace hoping to escape before Minerva reclaimed her wits enough to tell me precisely what she thought of me. I had already thrown in the floo powder when she spoke. “I don’t blame you for Albus’ death,” Minerva blurted out. I froze mid-stride unsure I had heard correctly. I had felt sure she had vilified me like most everyone not directly involved in Albus’ stupid conspiracy. I stood my ground to hear my old comrade out, though I did not turn to face her. “It took me awhile to accept you had no other option,” she continued, “I am mad at Albus because of what he did to you not what you were forced to do to him.” In my life time I have never adjusted to the truly indescribably wonderful feeling of being vindicated by someone for whom I truly care. It was not a common occurrence by any means as I can count on one hand the people whose opinion holds such power over me. My Mother before my Father murdered her in a drunken rage; Poppy, Minerva and Lupin are the only ones to ever possess that dubious honor. I must assume I had a rather open and distressed expression for as soon as I turned to look at Minerva she threw herself at me in a fiercely protective hug. At some point Poppy must have approached for I remember being hugged by her as well. All three of us stood there hugging each other for sometime before my dignity refused to be quiet any longer and I pulled away. We all sat down together for tea an conversation for several hours. I felt safe, happy and loved for the first time since the war that day. (Comment on this)
10:48 pm	Standing Outside The Fire pt 1 Title: Standing Outside the Fire Pairings: Snape/Lupin (explicit) and Harry/Hermione/Draco (implied only) Rating: NC-17 Brought to you by Dizilla who convinced me I could write porn, Thanks Diz! Author: azurerosa Original prompt: "In hindsight I should have realized he was courting me much earlier than I did. If I was that blind during the war I would have been killed instantly." Post-war, R&S have become friends and routinely visit each other whenever possible. One of them (you choose) decides to court the other. However, neither of our boys are much for the grand gestures or are good at just coming out and saying they are interested. Method is up to you. UST would be applauded, quote does not need to be used merely a jumping point and PLEASE no "I've loved you forever" BS. They can have had a crush on the other (mutual or one-sided), but I think they don't know each other enough to be in love before they are friends. AN: Yes Ladies and Gentlemen I took my own prompt, the bunny was eating my brain. Disclaimer: Neither the songs nor the characters are mine, but I think the boys have more fun with me than their creator so there. Songs used will be listed at the end with artist. Also breeds referenced and links listed at the end. Summary: How does a Gryffindor court a Slytherin until he wants to be part of his life? Warning: um, wall-frottage, food smut thoughts, slash, Harry/Hermione/Draco (implied only), some mild D/S, Remus growling, a mellowed but still snarky Severus and Lupin trying to be sneaky, domestic scenes, Teddy, clichés abound, quasi-song fiction, songs in question are Country, playing fast and loose with The Deathly Hollows and it’s epilogue but frankly who in our community doesn’t? Notes: Thanks to _Lore, Ellie, Rosy, Dizilla and everyone else who gave me advice, listened to me whine about writer’s block, gave me encouragement and helped me break through my writer’s block several times. Lupin always was a predictable creature. I think that was one of the main reasons I finally decided he was livable to have around. He was familiar so I never had any trouble reading him, but he still was intelligent enough to be interesting. After the war he was presumed dead. I could have told them otherwise, but I was in a coma at the time caused by the wretched combination of blood loss and poison. My distant cousin, Poppy, only realized he was not dead when she saw him twitch and groan when he was moved from the Great Hall. Idiots. Werewolves are so feared strictly because they are so frustratingly hard to kill. Poppy did point out to me during my two weeks under her tender care that I am nearly as hard to kill. All my planning barely kept me alive long enough to be rescued by my house elf, Loki when he was summoned by Lucius. He told Loki about me going into the shack and that The Dark Lord’s plans for me likely included a slow and painful death. I was quickly rescued, but likely the only reason Poppy bothered with me was because I was kin. She was unaware of my duplicity at the time. Lucius committed suicide one month after the battle. Just enough time to rewrite his will in such a way his wife and son could not lose their inheritance. His detractors claimed his reasoning everything between a desperate desire to be with his Lord again to shame over losing face with the world. I know him somewhat better and understand that since the Malfoy family was to be tried as a whole if he was with them they all would have been sentenced to death. As it was they got off lightly due to a strong sympathy vote. Draco and Narcissa managed to escape Azkaban by visibly turning on the Dark Lord during the final battle. This of course greatly helped their case though their wealth was much diminished by the legal struggle and fines The Ministry imposed on them. After the war The Ministry had to arrest nearly half its staff after they openly embraced the Dark Lord during what the Prophet had so brilliantly dubbed “The Final Battle”. The head of the hydra that is the Weasley family is now head of the department of Misuse of Muggle Artifacts. Percival ended up in a position I suspect was invented for him personally. He is paid a rather substantial sum and does the paper work for all the head of departments and the Minister himself. Currently Kingsley is the Minister and I suspect the mastermind behind Percival’s job as I know the man despises paperwork. So far our new Minister has repealed or reworded numerous laws so they could not be abused or cause such a division in our society again. He holds the dubious honor of being the first Minister of Magic that I, and it seems most of the magical world, approve of as he hasn’t screwed up yet. But back to the subject of Lupin. We had burnt out our, well mostly my, animosity towards each other soon after the mangy mutt managed to be killed by drapery. Shouting matches containing accusations after a long day tend to have a cathartic effect on those involved. A much calmer discussion the next day with practically groveling apologies on his part and awkwardly muttered contriteness on mine lead to a birth of mutual respect. Lupin had no special knowledge of my alleged betrayal beforehand, but he was curiously easy to convince of my innocence after Potter revealed my allegiance whilst dueling my former master. I lost my voice entirely for six months and even five years later it’s not what it was. Of course my favorite thing about myself is the one part of me irreparably damaged. As soon as I was fit to leave the hospital wing Loki came to collect me and take me back to Spinner’s End. I retired from teaching, but not before Poppy informed me she expected to continue to stock her infirmary with my potions and gave me a list of potions she was low on. I noticed most of the list was comprised of potions she had used to keep me amongst the living. I retreated to Spinner’s End to serve my house arrest until a trial could be arranged. Less than a month later I had the beginnings of a promising owl order apothecary up and running. Lupin still insisted on collecting his potion in person so he could thank me for my effort. He greatly abused the fact I couldn’t tell him where to shove it when he started lingering and having one-sided conversations with me. Contrary to popular opinion I, like most humans, am a social creature. I merely like to have control over when, where, how much and with whom I interact. Lupin elbowing his way in with a little baby boy with psychedelic hair in tow was not exactly welcomed with open arms, but after a month of not hearing anyone’s voice but Loki it was… comforting to not be alone. Of course the foolish creature took the lack of hexing, forcible removal from my property or other bodily harm as an open invite to visit whenever he had time. Thankfully several months later Potter had finally learned to use his fame as opposed to being used by it, which was very useful to a number of people. He defended my actions so vehemently that I was soon released from my house arrest and acquitted of all charges. Potter also managed to have Lupin reinstated as the DADA Professor thus taking up much of his free time. Better him than me. Potter broke it off with Ms. Weasley about a year after the war. He opted eventually to return to Hogwarts as the Care of Magical Creatures professor after Hagrid retired to care for his half brother Grawp. Thus he retired from the public eye as Dumbledore had before him after defeating Grindelwald as much as he could short of becoming a hermit. Current Mood: anxious (Comment on this)
Tuesday, December 23rd, 2008
10:39 am	Me I am a 21 year old female currently a college student at NMSU living alone for the first time. Well my cat lives with me, but he isn't much for conversation and helping about the house. Thus I inherit all the cooking and cleaning that having my own little apartment entails. Yay. I moved to New Mexico from California so all my old friends and my family can't quite pop over to help or visit. I am about to enter my second semester at NMSU which should be easier since I am starting off with some friends this time! Current Mood: bored (Comment on this)